Stay with You.

My favorite song lately has been "Stay with You" by the Goo Goo Dolls. I think of this song more as a duet. For me, the promise of it is about a lot more than staying in relationship with someone. It's a promise to stay on earth, to keep breathing, to stay as present with the person as possible. To stay alive to some degree, and not just clinically, though sometimes, that may be all that's possible.

Every time I listen to the song, I make that promise again. I know it's not a lifelong or even long-term promise; it's the kind of vow I have to renew continuously, every fistful of days, every day, even every minute.

And if it's a duet, the other person in the song is acknowledging how utterly impossible that promise will sometimes seem. That "stay with you" is about staying inside all that as much as possible ("I can feel the storm inside you"), facing it, holding the other as he or she changes face and form, and still seeing something worth having, "sweet and warm."

The song is momentous, like a double-virgin wedding night, like a first kiss, like tattooing names, like becoming blood brothers. We're in this. We're doing this. No matter what happens, this joins us forever. And we're staying. The song challenges me, scares me, and gives me hope all at once.