A Changed Mind.

As a child, I could memorize easily. I learned every word to my favorite Broadway shows and my favorite movies.

As I grew up, little seemed beyond me. If I could manage my anxiety, I did fine in school. Math, chemistry, and geography challenged me. But when I put in the work, I still got A's and B's.

I rarely lost objects. I didn't forget assignments. I could bask in the glow of a crush without major academic setbacks.

When I underwent psychological testing a few years ago, the puzzles seemed foggy. According to my results, I was a person of average intelligence. What was I supposed to do with that?

Appointments began to disappear from my mind. Reading became slow and difficult. I lost things. I forgot important information. Hours and days disappeared from my memory. And my brain began showing me things that weren't real.

I could no longer trust my mind. It wasn't there to catch me anymore. I don't know what comes from bipolar disorder and what comes from medication. But I miss my sharper, stronger mind.