All I Want Is.

• A psychiatrist who is always available and helpful.
• A bathtub full of Gelly Rolls.
• A 10-year anniversary date with Josh.
• For my brother to be safe and happy.
• Better reading stamina.
• To meet my first babies in heaven.
• A sticker store within walking distance.
• To sticker and stamp shop with Nanna again.
• More general energy and motivation.
• A better relationship with God.
• To lose 30 pounds.
• To watch more movies.
• To have writing dates at Coffee Scene.
• To have clear skin.
• To stay home without problems.
• To help Oliver effectively, whatever his struggles may be.
• Healthy hair.
• To go help my younger selves somewhere.
• An easier time with hygiene.
• Getting my self-worth some way apart from a job.
• A representative to set up all the appointments and do all the paper work.
• For  Prozac to work.
• Love I can feel.

Wishes I've Not Made Yet.

It's okay to wish, to wish something will come and to wish something away. Wishes can be huge or can seem insignificant. So I'm wondering what wishes I've hesitated to make, maybe because I'm ashamed or scared or because they seem to selfish. Here are some that crept out of the dark when I let them.

• I wish to feel always useful or worthwhile, even if I end up being disabled.
• I wish to have pretty handwriting more easily. It's gotten difficult, and I sometimes don't recognize my own words. This may relate to medication or a particular mood cycle; I'll try to track it.
• I wish for survival this summer.
• I wish for pages that can handle markers and fountain pens. 
• I kind of wish I knew if I will end up in a hospital.
• I kind of wish we'd known all this earlier.
• I wish I could go swim in a deep lake.
• I wish I were a stronger reader.
• I wish I were better at tracking moods. 
• I wish my doctor were more available.
• I wish I could spend time with an expert on bipolar disorder.
• I wish I took learning about the disorder more seriously at least some of the time.

What wishes are waiting? Are they really so terrible or silly?