Spotlight on Symptoms: Music and Movement.

Music has always been able to change, enhance, or express my mood.

I remember being ten or so when my mom told me that my dad and I have the same experience with music. "You want to get inside it," she said. My dad and I have bonded over music for most of my life. I sang along in the car. He bought me the CD (showtunes) when I'd only saved enough for the tape. He played his keyboard for me. We've gone to many concerts.

Music may seep into my mind or knock me flat. I can become painful when I'm manic. I have musical collages in my mind. A playlist tells a story. I have a Spotify playlist can "This Thorn" (referencing the new testament's Paul and his unspecified suffering), which tells a mental illness story.

When I am even a little manic, I feel especially drawn to music. I sing and dance more. I have to keep moving, either in a cerebral or a physical way. My own music videos play out with colors and images. I usually want to listen to the music on my own--I don't want distraction, and I'm especially vulnerable to any criticism or teasing. Often, I'll wear headphones to keep everything in my head.

Some songs become jars in which I can store my feelings or experiences, so they don't torment me when I can't handle them.

I tend to walk, sometimes outside but mostly in the living room and kitchen, when I listen to music. I walked all over my parents' house when I lived there.

I remember wearing earbuds and pacing around my friend's dining room table when I was 13, trying to calm a crushing crush. Nobody really acted like it was strange. But then that friend, Hannah, did tend to be tuned into my moods.

I see music and pacing as symptom and treatment. If you see me pacing with music, I'm probably having a mood swing. It can hurt, but it usually helps. I navigate between songs that are too much and songs that are just right. But music can also become accompaniment to dark thoughts when depression closes in and I'm suspended between moods. Too much Evanescence, too much Air Supply, too much Sunset Boulevard.

I listen. I pace. The other noises in my mind (especially the voice that tells me I'm always doing something wrong) clear out or at least get quieter. The burns on my brain stop sizzling. Life might be livable. I keep moving. I keep listening.

Ways to Invest in the Soul.

This can include prayer, religious reading and study, or organized worship. Even reading an unfamiliar sacred text can be edifying or soul-lifting.

Music is a great way to invest. Listen to what you love, but also try something new. See what music carries your soul around like a baby, what music makes you determined to be a better person, and what music makes you grieve or long for another person--a friend of some kind.

Theatre can be music plus the visual. I feel fulfilled, excited, and positively overwhelmed in a huge theatre during a show.

Reading in general is another way to invest. Though it's also an escape, reading can sharpen the mind, add color to the imagination, and provide company when one is or feels alone.

Sometimes, the perfect movie for the circumstances is right on your shelf. The beauty of a movie can stay with me  and enrich me.

Arts and crafts are also brilliant ways to invest. I don't do much of this, but my mother does, and I can tell it helps her.

How do you invest in your soul?