Amazing Occurrences.

• I went to a psychiatrist, and with the psychologist's notes and about 20 minutes with me, he arrived at my diagnosis. I could believe something like that could happen so immediately. But with a couple of diagnostic codes, my life made more sense, both for my past and my future. I felt fear but also liberation.
• Josh. Just everything.
• When the NICU nurse brought Oliver to me hours after his birth and my surgery, Oliver looked at me with amused love, as if he wondered why I got so afraid. 
• Lying on my side when my blood crashed again, I was sinking from the air mattress to the hard frame beneath. I felt sure I was going to die. I'd done all I could for Oliver, and he seemed to be okay. Josh would have Oliver. I didn't tell Josh or my mom--I didn't want to scare them. I prayed to God, "Remember me." But I didn't die.
• I can go right back to the L&D room. So many vivid memories.
• I'm mostly stable. How? How long will it last?
• I walked into a deep friendship and haven't tried to escape (lately).
• We've been slowly getting Oliver everything he needs to deal with autism. So far, the seemingly impossible has somehow happened, so I'm trying to hold onto that.