- I need to accept that I have a serious illness. I have to stay aware and informed, learning all I can.
- I need to accept that I will sometimes have doubts about this. Doubts are okay, but I have to keep going.
- I need to accept that I will almost certainly be on medication for the rest of my life.
- Worse, I need to accept that medication won't work perfectly. Frequent, frustrating changes and adjustments will be part of my life.
- I do need friends. And they can help me with the rest.
Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label awareness. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
What I Need to Accept about Myself.
For the last few weeks, I've been so absorbed in Oliver's special needs that I've barely considered my own. I almost forget it's real, and I know that's dangerous.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
To Write:
"Be awake, curious, and ready to share." --Elizabeth Berg
Awake. How often do I avoid something or turn away from someone? It's probably unconscious most of the time. It's like sleeping through life. I do often want to sleep through an internal or external problem. I feel that sleep helps me heal my burned brain. But. Sleepwalking does not make a good writer or even much of a person. Literature calls attention to realities (even if it's fantasy) I hadn't quite noticed before. A write must pay attention and stay awake for the work.
Curiosity is such a great quality. Josh and Bruce, the two people I talk with the most, are highly curious, especially as readers. I wish I were most curious in general, but I guess I'm always curious about my obsessions...and sometimes about my illness. Why does a write have to be curious? Without small discoveries of characters and art and the world, one's writing may not be vibrant and empathic.
"Ready to share" probably does not apply to me often--though I do talk far too much when I'm with Bruce. So what do I have to share in writing? In writing practice, I share almost anything, but no one is likely to read that. Another difficulty is that some stories--some of the most impactful ones--are not only mine to share. I don't know how to handle that. I'll have to play around with fiction, whether or not I ever show it to anyone.
Awake, curious, ready to share. I will work toward these and see how my writing (or life) changes.
Awake. How often do I avoid something or turn away from someone? It's probably unconscious most of the time. It's like sleeping through life. I do often want to sleep through an internal or external problem. I feel that sleep helps me heal my burned brain. But. Sleepwalking does not make a good writer or even much of a person. Literature calls attention to realities (even if it's fantasy) I hadn't quite noticed before. A write must pay attention and stay awake for the work.
Curiosity is such a great quality. Josh and Bruce, the two people I talk with the most, are highly curious, especially as readers. I wish I were most curious in general, but I guess I'm always curious about my obsessions...and sometimes about my illness. Why does a write have to be curious? Without small discoveries of characters and art and the world, one's writing may not be vibrant and empathic.
"Ready to share" probably does not apply to me often--though I do talk far too much when I'm with Bruce. So what do I have to share in writing? In writing practice, I share almost anything, but no one is likely to read that. Another difficulty is that some stories--some of the most impactful ones--are not only mine to share. I don't know how to handle that. I'll have to play around with fiction, whether or not I ever show it to anyone.
Awake, curious, ready to share. I will work toward these and see how my writing (or life) changes.
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