Wishes I've Not Made Yet.

It's okay to wish, to wish something will come and to wish something away. Wishes can be huge or can seem insignificant. So I'm wondering what wishes I've hesitated to make, maybe because I'm ashamed or scared or because they seem to selfish. Here are some that crept out of the dark when I let them.

• I wish to feel always useful or worthwhile, even if I end up being disabled.
• I wish to have pretty handwriting more easily. It's gotten difficult, and I sometimes don't recognize my own words. This may relate to medication or a particular mood cycle; I'll try to track it.
• I wish for survival this summer.
• I wish for pages that can handle markers and fountain pens. 
• I kind of wish I knew if I will end up in a hospital.
• I kind of wish we'd known all this earlier.
• I wish I could go swim in a deep lake.
• I wish I were a stronger reader.
• I wish I were better at tracking moods. 
• I wish my doctor were more available.
• I wish I could spend time with an expert on bipolar disorder.
• I wish I took learning about the disorder more seriously at least some of the time.

What wishes are waiting? Are they really so terrible or silly?

Reduce Chaos: Organization Questions

I've heard and read that reducing chaos is essential to stability for people with bipolar. As a fairly messy person with a deep connection to objects, I really have to think about this in terms of my space. One of my mantras is Reduce chaos; create beauty. Here are some questions I try to ask myself when I try to reduce chaos in my physical space:

• What is this? It seems simple, but sometimes, I haven't been paying enough attention to see what has crept into my space and taken up permanent residence without my really knowing it.
• Do I need it? Why? When?
• Do I want this?
• Is it useful and beautiful (from William Morris)?
• Is it at least useful or beautiful?
• Could I sell this?
• Could I give it away?
• Would soeone else use this more?
• Would someone else enjoy this more?
• Was this a gift?
• Am I keeping it out of guilt?
• Am I keeping it out of laziness?
• Should I throw this away?
• What would Mom say about it?
• Where can this belong?
• Is this space accessible?
• Is this space in the way?
• Will I remember where I put this?
• Do I have to buy or find other parts to use this?
• If I moved, would I bring this?
• How does this reflect my dreams or my daily life?

I imagine I could use these questions metaphorically too and try to clean up my psychic or mental space.