What Makes Me Anxious.

I have panic disorder in addition to bipolar disorder, and I want to tell you some of the situations that, sadly and absurdly, can make me panic.

• Waiting for a table. I don't know what to do with myself.
• Ordering a meal--what if I break or stutter? Worse, what do I do if the order is wrong?
• Talking to a cashier. Often, if I only see one item I want, I'll just leave it. Only 2+ items are worth the studied friendliness and ease.
• Going to the post office. I hate having to ring a bell to pick up a package. Sometimes, one of the employees busts me for being in the wrong place.
• Ordering coffee or whatever. Will I get it all right? I try to appear competent. 
• Most books--getting started is a little stressful, even if I 'm excited to read the book. I see myself as a weak reader. I try to work through that with my "Bold Reader" posts on my other blog.
• Anything related to a car. Josh kindly makes sure I don't have to get gas on my own. Driving still stresses me, and I do it as little as possible.
• Taking Oliver out with no one else. Will he run from me? Will he melt down? How will I handle that in public?
• Getting distressed when Josh seems unwell. He's not very forthcoming, and I don't know what to do.
• Being a guest. I often feel like a nuissance, always in the wrong place, having no clue how to help or seamlessly enter a conversation. The discomfort can be so major that I sneak off to take a short nap or just lie down in a dark room. This recharges me enough to try a little harder.
• The possiblity of running into people I know (though that's sometimes good). What do I say? How to I explian where I am in life?
• Large dogs. I try to stay clear.
• Product writing. Am I at all capable? Will my ideas work? Can I focus?

These are some moments that can make me panic. I'll work on learning how to approach them in better ways. I have come a long way since childhood.