I feel sleepy and cold, as if I might die of shivering.
I know my body needs more rest. My brain, despite the cold, is sizzling a little. Sleep is water, and I feel parched.
I've been drinking Cherry 7-Up out of a wineglass. What more can I do to make the ordinary more special?
I am deeply blessed. I need to remember that when the mornings and afternoons end too quickly, when I struggle to read, when I have errands and appointments.
Oh, and I did the dishes today. It's not much, but it seemed like a slight relief for Josh. He knows I'm doing it for him. Without that, I'm a half-frozen, half-starved, directionless child. At least that's how I feel sometimes.
Why is cleaning, specifically, so hard? The thought of cleaning a bathroom sort of terrifies me, and I have no idea why.
So much of my disorders is still a mystery. I can't fight what I can't understand or predict.
I feel so many shapes of guilt. Even saying that I'm tired feels wrong. Bruce assures me that I deserve and need rest. Josh is as generous with me as he can be. But sometimes, I feel like a failed experiment.
No comments:
Post a Comment