Learn How to Be Free.

These lyrics from Pippin made me think about myself and what that freedom means. For me, it would be free of dread. How can I move toward that?

I need to rethink the job situation. I was able to leave my job because my husband has a good job. I'm blessed. Work generated a great deal of dread in me as I got increasingly ill. My son was also diagnosed with autism, so my being home for appointments and such makes sense.

But I notice that dread can creep up anywhere. If I haven't kept up with laundry or dishes, I become stressed and want to avoid the task even more. Pushing through tasks as early as possible may help.

Reading makes me feel free. I need to take advantage of that and also try new genres or unusual books.

Scribbling and writing stories or poems lifts weight from me every time.

Resistance.

I'm sure I am resisting so many ways my life could be happier and more functional. But I'm also resisting constricting expectations.

I resist the typical stay-at-home mom role. My child and I both have challenges that may require a radical approach.

I resist the common expectation that couples don't like each other much. Josh and I have gotten comments like "You must be newlyweds" and "Just wait. That won't last." Some people don't seem able to bear our mild show of affection, and it's not even a PDA complaint.

I've resisted going out with Josh when we have a grandmother to care for Oliver. It's unnatural to us now, but we'll get better, and Oliver doesn't seem to mind at all.

I'm resisting buying new clothes after my medication-fueled weight gain. But I want to be comfortable and appropriate when I meet with the people who are helping Oliver. Today, I'm going to look for dress pants at Loft.

I have resisted friendships most because I doubt my ability to keep up. But I need all the support I can find.