I've always had a strange relationship with music. For a long time, I didn't know it was strange. Under age five, I remember hearing my parents' music and going into a kind of trance. Images, video, and word associations exploded in my mind. They often had little to do with the lyrics (probably a good thing). I remember a certain red and blue swirled, thick glass vase I used to see on a tall square stand in a minimalist house when I heard Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting for You." I remember seeing intricate laces, probably like those on a rented roller skate, when I heard Def Leppard's "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad."
The music videos were more complicated in my mind, but they did conjure certain images and objects. Those have changed at various points of my life, but one song still hold layers or at least echoes. Maybe this is normal. I don't know; I've never talked about it in-depth. Now that I can look at it with a little objectivity, it reminds me of synesthesia, in which sounds might have colors and colors have scents. Sometimes, what music held was a tumble, a crash, and other times, it seemed carefully formed with chip by chip of colored glass.
It's one of my greatest treasures. I've been careful to keep it hidden because I couldn't bear the thought of anyone teasing...not me, but it. The slightest insensitive comment would be a burn from which I wouldn't recover, or at least from which the relationship wouldn't recover. I'm surprised I'm trying to write about it now. This is only a little of the story.
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