Side Effects.

Side effects are supposed to be one of the main reasons people with bipolar disorder stop taking their meds. And no wonder. In some cases, I can't tell the difference between side effect and illness. But these are what I've noticed.

Wellbutrin

• It switched me into mania, probably what should have been my first highly recognizable episode, so I'm not sure what to call a side effect. I don't notice any side effects of it now, after almost three years. 
• I wonder if it has contributed to my near-total inability to cry. 

Abilify

• I'm having a lot of agitation lately, which I think is a disease symptom but Abilify may be irritating. 
• Extreme sleepiness, to the point that I think I may fall asleep standing up in class. This has gotten slightly better, and it's supposedly rare, so I hope it will disappear or nearly so.

Lithium--oh, boy.

• Frequent, urgent urination. It's so extreme that it would be funny if it were someone else's story. The kidneys work overtime to flush out what they must perceive as poison. 
• Digestive upset, start and stop. 
• Extreme thirst. I have never consumed so much water in my life (including pregnancy and breastfeeding) or longed for water so deeply. I'll need a whole post for that. Apparently, I have to drink to replace what my kidneys flush out so eagerly. This side effect, though not terrible in itself, has really changed my life. I must have water in large quantities with me at all times. 
• Dry mouth and cracked lips, to the point of bleeding.
• Interrupted sleep. A lot of this is due to needing to drink water and needing to pee. But I wake up about every hour. 
• Dry skin, sometimes extreme. The webbing between my fingers is always wrecked. My hands are rough on everything, and they have aged from the dryness. 
• Dry, brittle hair. My hair, long as it is, was so healthy. Now, it's dry and broken. 
• Decreased sexual and even sensuous interest. Touch affects me less, and I seek it less.
• Nausea and food aversion. At my highest dose, which I'm now just below, I threw up most nights. This was horrific, and only desperation to get better kept me on that dose.

Xanax

• None I've noticed.

Dr. N says that if the Abilify works, I may not need the lithium at all. I would not mind dropping some of those side effects. I know the meds are worth all this. But it's hard to believe that sometimes.