I've struggled with dread for many years. When I was a child, I wrestled with guilt. Before I left my job last year, I felt dread over it every day. I might feel dread over almost anything: a chore, an appointment, even just getting out of bed. It's sickening and almost paralyzing. Medication and therapy have helped a lot, but I still find myself dreading even activities I know I'll love.
I don't often delve in and question the dread. What could it be about? Often, for great chunks of my life, I have seen the world as a generally good place where things work out. That belief has been bruised or worse in recent years. I'm glad to know now that at least some of this is due to bipolar disorder and panic disorder.
The best ways I've found to deal with dread so far are preparation and distraction. If I have to take Oliver to an appointment, I gather all the paperwork I could need, figure out what to wear, and go over directions with Josh the day before. I've also found that showtunes distract me as I get ready or do a dreadful chore. Any other structure or routine, like posting on my blog first thing in the morning, can help too. I keep looking for small solutions.
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