I wasn't very afraid about the plays I was in at 10 and 11. I wasn't afraid of Irish Step Dancing. I wasn't afraid really afraid of teaching my first college courses. I tend to think that things that don't scare me are healthy for me.
But so much of the time, I have been afraid. I didn't realize how much. That deep drudge of dread...interactions, tasks, others' standards, my own standards, anything that might give me a sort of waking nightmares, make me scared to shower, or keep me from entering rooms or from sleeping at night. Will I ever be less afraid (talking on the phone, making appointments...)?
I wasn't very afraid of childbirth before or even during. But after...yes, I was afraid in so many ways.
I've usually been less afraid when interacting directly with students. We all know our roles. I wasn't afraid to visit Bruce's house. I felt comfortable and safe there, which was quite unusual for me. I want to feel that way more often.
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